Before I go any further I’ll let you take a minute to Google what funkdafied means…
Yes, I’m really messed up. I’m in “da funk of all funks” – and I don’t mean the cool mixture of jazz, rhythm and blues. I’m referring to the kind of funk reminiscent of Charlie Brown’s friend Pig Pen; you know the one who always has a dark cloud of dust surrounding him? Take Pig Pen and couple him with Eeyore, specifically Eeyore just after his house collapsed (again) and his tail fell off (again!). That’s the level of funkdafied I’m at – woo hoo!
So, why am I so “funked” up? Long story short, other people’s shit seems to be consuming me lately and I’m simply not handling it well.
Let me pick up from my last post. I’m still not sleeping well. My nights have become my days and sunlight is now virtually non-existent in my “new” world. I’m tired, I’m cranky; dare I say, I’m a little depressed. What used to be my professional sanctuary has turned into an almost nightly test of emotional and mental endurance. This in of itself is exhausting, but add physical exhaustion on top of it, and, well, I’ve unwittingly succumbed to the dark side of anxiety and funkdafication (that one I made up).
I’ve grown so desperate that in an effort to dissipate the literal cloud of negativity that has surrounded me I managed to engulf myself with so much burning sage smoke that I almost collapsed from zen induced smoke inhalation. (Although I will admit, rather surprisingly, that it did work – however temporary.)
It was a random conversation with one of my best friends that, hopefully, has kick-started my journey out of my funk. “Get tough, just not lawsuit tough” was her honest yet insightful advice. (Humour and honesty are the best way to get through my thick head – hence why we’re best friends!) The problem is, I struggle daily with the concept of being “tough”. Having survived all sorts of BS throughout my life I, as a result, have learned what true strength looks like – even when it’s hidden under an invisible mask. I also know that kindness and sensitivity are not traits that should be painted with a negative brush but rather are characteristics that deserve striving for – being kind is a LOT harder to achieve than being angry – therefore, in my eyes, kind people exemplify the strongest of our beings when it comes to their emotional and mental faculties.
So in effort to break from my fundkafied state, I’m picking the high road and sticking with kindness. Easier said than done, I know, but even if it sends me into a mental stupor, damnit, I’m determined to be kind!
Life is too short not to be; it’s that simple.